Soulja Boy tells Beijing, James Blunt deafens Beijing, calling “penis” in a restaurant, eating pig’s brain, Karaoke Anonymous and Chinese pop.

Whenever I ask my Chinese friends what their favourite Chinese food is, I always get the same answer.  China has so many different types of food – you can’t pick one.  Which is true.  China is massive, and its food so varied.   And there are so many variations on traditional dishes – it’s a bit like being at the cereal aisle in a supermarket, and realising there are 40 different types of cornflakes.

I’m not really qualified to talk about Chinese food in great detail – and to be honest, as long as it’s not still moving whilst still on my plate I’ll probably eat it.  I was very picky with my food back in the UK, but actually you can’t afford to be out here, otherwise you’ll just eat rice.

Add to this the absolute mess I make of ordering things in Chinese eateries, and I probably shouldn’t even be writing this blog post at all.  Let me enlighten you.  I was out with a Chinese friend and her friend who didn’t speak any English.  The time came to get the bill.  The waitresses were very busy.  I called “Fu Wu Yuan”.  It didn’t work.  So my Chinese friend called “Xiao Mei”.  I didn’t understand.  Upon explanation, it turns out Xiao mei comes from “xiao mei mei” which means little sister – and is a polite way of calling the waitress.  So me, in infinite wisdom, called over for a male waiter.  Now, here’s the thing.  Little brother is “di di” – so thinking that I had learnt a new word I called “Xiao di di” to the male waiter.  Problem is, xiao di di means penis.  So I called “penis” out across the restaurant.  Not hot.  But fortunately he didn’t hear, otherwise I might have ended up with a black eye.

Anyways, onto the food itself.  I like Chinese food.  It vacillates between being very good for you and low in fat, to being the greasiest crap you could eat.  But it tastes good.  Mmm. MSG.  There was a scandal recently about the fact that a lot of the fat and oil used to cook most of the restaurant food in Beijing was actually “reclaimed” (I think is the polite way of putting it) from the sewers.  So I’m always a bit careful where I go.

Let’s start with Zhu Nao (literally, Pig’s Brain).  It comes as part of a Huo Guo (Hot Pot).  A word on hot pots:  they are my favourite dish in China.  Boiling water with spices, oil, ginger etc – you put in your meat and vegetables and cook it yourself.  (Can you imagine the health and safety brigade in England letting that one through?)    So the pig’s brain (actually pigs brains – plural – as we were brought several) came raw – and you had to cook them yourself.  Being the brave culinary solider I (wish I) am, in went the brain, out came a gooey, tofu like thing.  Actually, you know how a lot of people say when they eat a rare meat “it tastes like chicken” – well what’s funny is that pig’s brain tastes like…pig’s brain. 

OK, something good.  Beijing Kao Ya (Beijing Duck).  Lovely.  It doesn’t come crispy like the Cantonese style we get in England – and it’s actually fairly lean.  Along with Kung Pao chicken, it’s one of China’s most famous dishes for Laowai (foreigners).  And yes, it comes with pancakes, cucumber and spring onion – although the sauce is a little different.

Alongside Pig’s brain (right), I’ve had cow’s intestine.  And I have to say, it was quite tasty.  The Chinese actually cook and flavour it well.  It’s supposed to be very healthy for you, but then, all of my Chinese friends say x food has y benefit all the time.  Also add to that a delicious Lamb shoulder cooked on Quar – Chinese barbeque.  It was the tastiest thing I’ve had and was smothered in this type of spice which made it hard to stop eating.  Probably MSG.

A good thing about China is that they eat seasonally.  So you won’t usually find dishes on the menu where the main ingredients are out of season.  Apparently it’s better for your health; so you won’t find strawberries in January – unless you’re rich and have them imported.

Now onto entertainment in Beijing.  I’m never short of things to do of an evening, or see during the day.  That’s the beauty of living in a city twice the size of London.  However, there has been one thing which I’ve recently done way too many times for a normal person: Karaoke.  The Beijingers love it.  I love it.  I may need, at some point in the future to set up Karaoke Anonymous, for people like me with a Karaoke addiction. I think I’ve perfected Take That’s “Back for Good” now, after at least 4 times singing it on four separate occasions – (there is not a great deal of choice of Western songs in some karaoke places.)  It’s cheap too.  If you booked you could sing during the day for an hour for 1 RMB!  (That’s 10 pence!).  And in the evening you get access to a free buffet (pig's brain not included).

A word on Chinese Karaoke.  There are obviously more Chinese, Japanese and Korean songs than there are English (language) ones – although I was surprised to see “Five” (of “everybody get up, sing it, five will make you get down down” fame) on the playlist.  I can barely read Chinese.  But that doesn’t matter because there are only 4 characters you need to learn to sing a Chinese song.  And they are these 我 (I) 你 (you) 不 (no/ not) 爱(love).  Most Chinese karaoke pop songs contain a these four words, at least a hundred times.  So when I’m singing along, I just say them in a different order each time. You love me, I love you, you don’t love me, I love you but you don’t love me. Etc.  And I sometimes drop in a “xiao di di” in there for good measure. 

Stop press.  The most important thing to happen to the Beijing music scene since, ever, has just been announced!  Suede, the Cranberries (remember them!) and, wait for it, James Blunt are playing in Beijing over the next few weeks and months.  Their appearances follow the “massive” success of Soulja Boy (of “Soulja Boy tell ‘em” fame) at a Beijing club.  Please read into my sarcasm here. 

Soulja Boy performed at Mics.  Or Vics.  Basically, there is one club called “Vics” (I think) where mainly young Chinese kids go.  Over the road, there is one called “Mics” which is for expats and foreign tourists (mainly foreign tourists).  I’ve been to both.  They’re OK, but a bit Leicester Square for my liking.  Although one thing I have to say is that Chinese girls look extremely hot when they dress up to go to these places. 

Back to James Blunt.  It’s really strange as Beijing seems to be the musical graveyard for middle of the road Western crooners who’ve fallen on hard times to come and perform. The fact is, however, that the Chinese market is way bigger and potentially more lucrative than even the US for music.  I think in the future, you’ll get even bigger acts performing in Beijing and Shanghai.  

If you come to a club or bar anywhere in China, you’ll probably see groups of guys and girls shaking pots of die (what’s the plural of dice – or is dice the plural?!?!) violently as they drink and smoke the night away.  I’ve played this game.  It’s a little weird as it’s actually quite rubbish.  5 dice each.  Shake pot.  Look at numbers on dice.  Tell or bluff that you’ve got four 5s (or any other number).  The other person has to better that.  If you don’t believe them, ask them to reveal. If they’ve bluffed, they drink.  If you’ve bluffed, you drink.  I don’t like it as I actually got quite good at it, and therefore didn’t have the opportunity to drink ;)

One thing I’ve done recently is resolve to myself to visit more places in Beijing – both bars, restaurants and monuments.  It’s easy to get caught up in everyday life when you live in a city.  So my Taiwanese friend and I (who has now gone back to Taiwan – sob) went to Tian Tan – the Temple of Heaven, in Beijing. 

Apparently it’s where the Emperor used to come and pray and give sacrifice for the benefit of his Zhong Guo Men (fellow Chinese people).  I won’t devote much writing to this place as it really doesn’t deserve much.  A nice park, a nice garden.  A temple on the top of a hill, that you can’t go into.  That’s it.

Actually, I’m not being fair here.  It is a pretty serene place.  Although as well as paying entry to the site, you had to pay again to go to see the Temple that you couldn’t actually go into.  So my friend and I joined a large tourist group and pretended not to speak Chinese to get in for free (thank you, 25 RMB saved).

The Temple itself is very interesting and they’ve left a lot of the sacrificial ornaments in there – various animals were sacrificed to appease deities for the benefit of China.  Couple of pictures below.  Oh, and there are apparently a couple of 700 year old trees there, although I didn’t find them.

Over and out. 

(THIS IS A GOOD ONE) Scary McDonald's, "Black people are scary" - not my words, the words of a 12 year old Chinese girl, and eye cigarettes (wtf)

OK.  So this is a bit of a random post, but there have been little events dotted around my time in Beijing which have made me laugh or raise an eyebrow.  Or sometimes both.

The first has to start with my attempts to have conversations in the street with random people.  It must be pretty boring to speak with me, as (due to limited language ability) I’ll always ask about where they live, their job, how their mother and father’s health is (yes, I know, weird), and what they like doing in Beijing.  I think I actually had a 3 minute conversation with someone when I was eating Quar (kind of a street food barbeque – although I’m sure I’ve spelt it wrong) about how much I liked Chinese bread (mantou). 

But the best has to be when I went into a 7-11 convenience store and the following exchange happened:

“Eh, Niaho, You Yan Ma?”

“Shenme?” (puzzled look on his face)  “Dui, wo you”

“OK.  Wo yao le”

“Bu – no way!”

You see the problem was that I wanted some cigarettes – but got the intonation wrong and ended up asking the shop assistant if he had “eyes”.  (Cigarettes and eyes are both spelt “Yan” but said in a different way) So what I actually said was: “Hello, do you have eyes?” to which the shop keeper replied: “What? – yes I have eyes!” and then I apparently asked for his eyes, to which he said “No way”.  Oops.

It was weird, however, when I was in a French restaurant, being served by a Chinese woman.  Her English and my Chinese (or lack thereof for both of us) became an impediment.  So we both ended up speaking French to each other.  Kinda strange consider it was neither of ours mother tongues.

The Chinese are a friendly bunch, and love most people.  But not so much with black people.  For the sake of data protection, said person’s identity shall remain a secret, but sufficed to say when I was coaching a girl for a national spoken English competition and pretending to be a judge asking her to tell me about the time she spent in the US, the following occurred:

Me: “So, tell me more about the time you spent in New York”.

Student: “I liked New York.  But in America there are a lot of black people, and they were scary”.

Me: “Perhaps we shouldn’t say that to the judges.”

Student: “Why, do you think one of the judges will be black?”

Me: “No, but it might be a good idea not to say it anyway”.

Student: “OK.”

Also, when speaking with a friend who organises placements for Chinese Students in US universities, I was told that when Chinese students are asked about their accommodation requirements, their top stipulation is “No black people in the building”.  Ouch.

In fairness, the Chinese are usually very tolerant and peaceful.  In part it’s because most Chinese people have never seen a black person and most likely read about black on black crime problems in America, and even the UK.

Being white, on the other hand, carries a certain curiosity for Chinese people, especially if you can speak a bit of Chinese.  Three occasions illustrate this well.

My friend has been organising this thing called the 12 week challenge.  The idea is that you sign up, and with the help of a few free classes, some personal training advice and the fact that you’ve made a commitment, you try and improve your health and body shape as much as is possible in 12 weeks.

So I helped him, as a favour, hand out some flyers in San Li Tun to drum up support for the launch party.  I was really the only English speaking white person there. But I could speak a bit of Chinese - “Ni Keyi Kan Kan?” which kind of means look at this.  Everyone came to take the flyers off me, because it was a curiosity that I, a white foreigner, would speak Chinese.

The second happened in a supermarket.  I was queuing up to pay and a young guy tapped me on the shoulder.  I thought, because I had a lot of things and he only had a bottle of water that he wanted to go in front of me.  So I ushered him through.  But what he actually wanted to say was

“Hi, can I practice my English with you?”  In the supermarket queue! 

I admired his guts so obliged. Actually we went to McDonald’s (they’re everywhere) later that week where he offered to buy me food and ice cream in return for conversation practice.  Stranger things have happened, but he has actually become a friend now – nice guy.  (Check out this video of the scary music playing at McDonald’s!!!)

I was also asked to do a voice recording for some brand, because of my apparently posh) British accent.

2 hours, about 800 statements or sentences and £30.  Not bad.  I tried to speak like the woman announcer on the tube to make me sound more refined than I actually am.  But the thing which shocked me most was the money you can make by just having a British or American accent.  As this is what most voice recording studios, whether for products, movies or educational materials, want.

Back to the 12 week challenge.  I have signed up.  I’m not sure I’m going to win the 250,000RMB prize money for the person who has improved the most, but it’s worth a try.  To enter, I had to go to the World Health Store (organisers of the challenge) and be weighed, have my body fat, heart rate, and muscle sizes measured in store. So from this semi scientific analysis, I have deduced the following about my body:

I have less body fat than I thought, although I’ve lost 7 kilos over the past 2 months (a bad thing as I’m a skinny rake as it is)

My last cake!

My waist is very thin, but my hips are very wide, like child-bearing wide.  I look like woman!

My biceps are not nearly as big as I thought they were.

Oh well, 12 weeks to go.

Oh, and I played Badminton.  And the Chinese are very good at badminton.  Whereas I am like an elephant on the court.  End of.

Observations on China: Volume 5: British flags, tiny dogs and Gollywogs, the Beijing taxi wave, UFOs and Jackie Chan

• Tiny dogs - there are a lot of dogs in Beijing that wouldn't seem out of place with gay men or Paris Hilton.  Everyone has them and there's nothing more funnier than seeing a Beijing builder after a days hard work having to take his little rat dog for a walk. I'm told that this is because there is a size restriction on dogs within the 3rd ring road. 
• Luo Bao Bei - is a mascot for an upmarket area Chaowai Soho in central Beijing.  She is my favourite person in Beijing.  And here she is riding a rainbow rollercoaster with her assorted friends - including a Gollywog.  Ah, Chinese racism. 
• British flags - there are more British flags in Beijing than in Britain.  It seems to be the fashion to have a British flag on your t-shirt or bag or sometimes hat.  I really thought Beijingers had welcomed me with open arms when I first saw a crowd of people wearing Union Jack t-shirts.
• Chinese sellers will never lose a sale but will never give you money they don't have to.  Trying to get a refund in China is like getting blood from a stone.  No money will cross a Chinese seller's palm to you if it doesn't have to.  You might get a product replacement, but never money.  And never try to win at haggling- it'd be like trying to outrun a leopard, if you had one leg.
• People in China don't like Jackie Chan (or Chan Long as is his Chinese name).   It's partly because he's shunned China by living in the US and marrying an American, but mainly because he's over exposed here, endorsing way too many products
• Crazy callers on the subway platform with megaphones who shout at you if you stand near the yellow line -  no different from London then.
• Fluorescent kite lights in the night - I thought they were Chinese UFOs at first, but people fly kites very high in the night sky around Beijing with all manner of bright lights in the strings and kites.
• High school kids in China study for 12 hours a day - the number of Chinese kids trying to get into University is like trying to get a camel through the eye of a needle. Because there are much much fewer uni places then there are candidates.  So the kids are super competitive and study for 10 - 12 hours a day - every day.  But it's also because the Chinese have a hard work ethic.
• Subway pushing game -  If you're not mercenary, you'll get pushed around like a pinball on the subway.  I don't like strangers touching me/ anyone pushing me. So the only way you can survive is by pushing other people too.  If they push you, push them back.  I've had to forget all of my British sensibilities to be able to do this.
• Women with megaphones shouting the same shit outside shops - over and over again, shops will advertise their wares with a loud megaphone.  If you're on a street with lots if shops, you can't even understand what they're saying.  Or, if you're me, with limited Chinese, you can't understand what they're saying anyway.
• Beijing taxi wave - to do the Beijing taxi wave, take your right hand, hold it out at 90 degrees from your body, and only move your hand up and down like your patting someone's head vigorously, without moving the rest of your arm.  It's the campiest thing.  And it doesn't suit me.  Or maybe it does.
• You can use your phone and 3G on the subway- yay!

Beijing culture - An American frat party? The Great Wall, a short film party and fucking in heaven (see video)

The expat community in Beijing is like an American college fraternity.  There are those who come to study - usually Chinese or some engineering based subject.  There are those who come for the ladies (or men) - known locally as yellow fever (and for Chinese who like western - potato fever).  There are those who come to make future business connections and actually do some business.  There are those who are pushing cultural boundaries, those on the music scene or artists. 

I'm not sure which one of these parts of the fraternity I fit into.  I've come to learn the language but Beijing's cultural scene is so thriving that it's hard not to get swept along to the next city art project or new night.  My Flatmate is currently organizing for Peter Hook of New order and Joy Division fame to come to Beijing for one night only, for example.Such was the case with old Norman Cook AKA Fat Boy Slim.  

One of Beijing's leading club/ event organizers ClubZone managed to secure not only the Brit Dj, but also a pretty sweet spot on the Great Wall of China for a 1 day music festival.  Being one of these people who doesn't like to do things whenever everyone else is doing them (think, oh, I'm in china, I'll go and see the great wall) this was a great opportunity for me to see what everyone else was seeing.The crowd at these sort of events is mainly international - any Chinese had either studied abroad or were from Taiwan (for the benefit of the powers that be, Taiwan is a part of China...).  

But, nonetheless, these were definitely the part of the fraternity which were pushing the boundaries and liked a good party.Arriving at 2, rather uncharacteristically for China, the set up wasn't ready, and having attached myself to a group of Swiss we decided to climb the wall itself.  3 observations about the wall.   It's very high, and very very long.  Its been largely refurbished in parts, so you have to travel a little bit out of the way to get to see some of the more original parts.  And the scenery is pretty stunning.  Also, by night, you realize how comparatively Beijing emits so much heat as the unsheltered wall became very cold as the sun went down.


Two words on fat boy slim.  Surprisingly good.  The set and the pyrotechnics were pretty awesome.  

At one point there was a giant fat boy slim head mouthing the words to the song.  The crowd lapped it it lovingly.  A couple of really good mixes of some big dance tunes  - including Martin Solveig's "Hello" went down really well.  And old favorites with new mixes, including "Save you" and "Right here, right now" got the crowd pumping. I think I danced solidly for two hours and by the end of his pretty ecstatic set and was exhausted.  Afterwards I headed to a drum and bass area and danced like I had tourettes for a good half an hour.  That's the great thing about DnB: you can pretty much do any movement fast and it looks like it's in sync with the music; although I'm pretty sure the guy next to me was having an epileptic fit rather than dancing.  

I dont know why, or whether I look like a crackhead, but way too many people kept on coming up to me to ask Me for drugs.  Usually MDMA.  I don't like nor do drugs, so I told them to fuck off.  Unfortunately I don't know the Chinese for fuck off, so they had to do with my pretty coarse English.All throughout, the wall was lit up by an array of light shows which made for a pretty spectacular evening.   Later that morning I headed back to the Big Jing for some food and much needed sleep.  All in all, a pretty memorable evening.  

A week later I was invited to go along to a short film screening in an old converted courtyard.  You know how London has "former warehouse apartments", which are very sought after; well Beijing has old courtyards.  They're pretty nice.The idea behind the evening was that 20 or so independent and amateur film makers were commissioned to each make a 5 minute short.  Humour was usually the theme; although one was a film with no dialogue about a man wanting to hang himself. Hmmm.  

The winner was quite a surreal film which went something like this.  A young but horny geek is in his bedroom.  He has 5 pills.  Each pill he took, a different character appeared in his room.  The first was a young woman who every time he uttered a word, would spit water in his face.  He got freaked out and took another pill.  A dominatrix came.  He liked it until she got rough.  A third. A fat man in S&M gear.  And lastly a sultry seductress, who then disappeared.  Weird, but got the crowd laughing.

The way I like to think of Beijing's cultural scene in comparison to let's say NY or LDN is like this.  Beijing is a teenager that has been given a lot of money.  The other two cities have had money but are living in a squat with artists to be cool and rebelling against their monied parents.  

And so Beijing is quite flash, likes to show off what it has, gets dressed up the best every time it goes out, with the newest designer labels, and looks for money in other people.  So a lot of events will charge a high (for Chinese standards) cover price and be more about what you can show rather than what you can say for yourself.  They're more about big names, the right brand of booze or food, and perhaps a new DJ who's on the up because he's fused western and eastern music into some sort of dance mix.  

So, in this way, Beijing is somewhat under developed, by comparison.  But it's defining itself.  In response, said housemate has started a monthly night, ironically called "response", which is free and more about music than money.  I went.  It was good.  The crowd was mixed apart from the French who insisted on talking very loudly in French to let it be known they they were, yes, French.  More on the French-Jingers in another post.

This week I'm going to check out some Beijing fashion.  There are a lot of new labels which seem to produce a slightly more up Market version of All Saints clothes - so think grey, black and more grey.  I'm pretty certain there must be more, but there are a high number of people wearing rimless glasses in the BigJing, so we'll see...

Some more pictures below...

The man himself

In Beijing: Forbidden City, Ho Hai, Silk Market, "Fraybans" and a vampire bar

The Forbidden City (Zi jin cheng), for those unfamiliar, is a huge, nay, city like complex in the heart of Beijing which used to be the imperial palace of the Qing and Ming dynasties.  It's probably most famous as the backdrop to the film "the last emperor" and after the 1911 revolution was used to house the last emperor of China before he was deposed. 

It's now a vast tourist attraction and on a sunny day can be stunning (and exhausting).  The Chinese tell me that apparently when the Queen visited China the she wanted, but wasnt allowed to visit the forbidden city due to the filming of the movie.  Bet she was a bit non plussed eh?

You can start at one of two ends of the Forbidden City - and work your way round to the other.  I began at the east gate and between me inspecting every bit of the elaborate rooftop architecture and visiting the hall of clocks (more on this later) it took me about 5 hours.

One of the best things about the place is the view from the top of Jinshang park which gives you an almost birdseye and panoramic view of the city.  Pictures below.  

I think I took more pictures here than anywhere else in China so far.  My second favourite part was looking right through the Forbidden City from the Hall of Supreme Harmony. You really get an appreciation for its size.  

The best thing to do is to actually wonder off the beaten track a little.  Some of the more interesting stuff is not on the main trail of the city.  I managed to blag my way into the "hall of treasures" by attaching myself to a group of Chinese tourists and feigning ignorance when thy asked for my ticket (you have to buy another ticket). 

It was here that housed some of the many treasures of the previous dynasties.  The clocks were impressive and a sign of the opulence of the dynasties long gone.  There was one clock that was as big as a horse drawn carriage - and it was a horse drawn carriage.  

To be honest, and I say this somewhat as an idiot abroad,  once you've seen one temple or great hall, you've seen them all.  Well, that's not strictly true but you can definitely get "templed out" after a whole day of looking at them.  

My favourite part of the Forbidden City?  It has to be  the winding gardens at the side of the city.  There's a strange tranquility to the place in the centre of the madness that is Beijing.  Enough about the FC.  The pictures below give a better impression than I could with words. 

Beijing is peppered with a panoply of markets and shops but perhaps most famous amongst them (San li tun aside) is xiu shui - silk market.  Haggling is taken to a new level.  Pian yi yi dianr (give me a cheaper price) is the phrase of choice and the rule of thumb is try to get 1/3 of the original price offered.  

I have to say that the clothes here are absolute crap.  Stalls and stalls of Ralph Lauren imitation polo shirts.  They're good imitations, don't get me wrong, but unless you want to look like cheap eurotrash I'd suggest shopping elsewhere.  Oh, and being a 20 something male doesn't stop stallholders offering dresses, ladies jewellery and children's clothes.  If the Chinese can sell it to you,  they will.  

Nonetheless there are some smashing bargains here.  I got a pair of Nike running shoes for 15 quid and a collection of posters, trinkets and all the usual tourist guff that I seem to be attracted to.  And a new pair of fraybans (fake raybans) to add to my growing collection.

If you want to see how capitalism has been injected Into the veins of Beijing, go to xiu shui.  There's a Starbucks, Pizza Hut, Subway and countless other western brands all next to each other next to the Market.  Great if you're Russian.  More in the Russians later.

Beijing has been described by some as a concrete jungle.  (When my Chinese is good enough I'll try translating the Alicia Keys "empire state of mind" song for the Chinese to see if they think it applies to the "Big Jing").  It's a, perhaps, unfair moniker as the city has some fantastic green spaces and parks.  My favourite so far has to be Ho Hai in the north of the city.  Prepare to be hassled by street sellers and boy children trying to pull you into the bars surrounding the lake with promises of cheap beers.  But that aside, it's a really beautiful and buzzing place at night.  My two bosses (married to each other) took me out here for a birthday meal here and there are some great eateries (first time I've found decent fish in Beijing).

A word on waitresses and ordering here.  You get the waitresses attention by yelling "fuwuyuan", which literally means waitress, (or fuwuyuar in Beijing as people here swap the n for an er - say "are").  You say "Wo Yao" - I want, or bring - "Lai".  It takes a bit of getting used to for a meek and polite Brit like me who practically apologises forthe trouble the waitress has gone to when food is brought to the table in England. 

Later that evening my housemates and I went to Wudaoying Hutong, which is near where I live, to a bar called ""vampire bar".  Think of it like this.  Someone has made a bomb with Robert pattison, all the vampire movies ever made, and the colour red inside, and exploded it in an empty room with a bar.  Hey presto,  you have vampire bar. Drinks were themed as such - apart from the Mojito which I think came as rum and coke.  A couple of bars later and a Chinese Muslim meal on the way home,  the skies opened and he heaviest rain Beijing has seen in ages.  Nice way to end my birthday lol.

First impressions of China – Observations volume 4.

• You can’t get away without speaking Chinese.  BUT, it’s easy to speak English a lot.  Especially in places like Beijing, where “Chinglish” (pigeon Chinese and English) is the vernacular of choice for foreigner (Laowai) to Chinese (Zhongwen) communication.
• Western brands with Chinese names.  There are three steps to translating a Western brand into Chinese.  Step 1: take any words which are part of the brand name that can be translated and do so.  Step 2: Imagine a Chinese person with no English trying to say the name, and write it down phonetically.  Step 3: Put the two together.  Bonza.  Prime example: Starbucks = Xing ba ke (“Xing” means star, and “ba ke” sounds like “bucks”).  Or Yi jea (Ikea).  It does undo me sometimes.   I ate at a nice restaurant and wanted to order a traditional Chinese beer.  So I ordered “Bai wei”.  A Budweiser bottle arrived on the table.  My Chinese host explained.  I was embarrassed.  
• Old people exercise a lot here.  Probably more than young people.  It’s probably a morbid fascination/ fear of mortality (they are closer to it, technically, than we are) that makes them so.  Clapping has to be the exercise I see the most.  Lots of clapping.  And lots of old people at the gym.
• Clothes are SUPER expensive.  (And super is a super annoying word that I had started to use).  Like, a western brand can cost at least twice as much as it does in the West.  If you want to dress cheaply, think a downmarket version of Next, and you’re probably not far off what you can get.
• Starbucks is a premium brand here.  Enough said really.  It’s sold in all the upmarket areas and for a high premium.  Considering you can have a fairly good meal for 80p, paying the equivalent of £2.50 for a small cappuccino is bit rich.
• Goodbye YouTube.  It’s banned.  Goodbye Facebook and Twitter, they’re banned too.   Hello to Youku and welcome to RenRen (literally “people, people” = Facebook) and Wei bo (Twitter).  They are everywhere, particularly Wei Bo.  More on this later.
• Cardboard on car wheels.  Looks like they’ve been clamped, with cardboard, but actually there to stop dogs weeing on them, apparently.
• Plastic bags on plates.  Particularly when it comes to street food.  Reduces the washing up.  The plastic adds, I think, an extra layer of taste to the cuisine.
• (p.s. I just saw the Chinese doppelganger of Barack Obama.  Couldn’t get my camera out in time.  Darn it.)