- Ordering at bars: there's a guy who stands at the bar, in front of the barman who is on the other side of the bar. You order your drink with the first guy. The barman always hears you so starts preparing. The first guy writes it down, hands it to the barman (who is already preparing your drink) and takes your money. The barman then gives the drink the to first guy, who is in front of him and you, who then gives it to you. I think that's what your call bar-eaucracy. (cringe)
- McDonald's delivery: yes, it happens. Enough said. I have mixed views on this. On the one hand it's clear China's obesity rate has increased according to the figures over the last decade, coinciding with the widespread arrival of western fast food. On the other hand, it's bloody convenient isn't it - especially if you want a Big Mac late at night! (I couldn’t get a picture of the McDonald’s delivery bike as it sped away but I did get a picture of the KFC one – see picture)
- Finger counting: despite the fact that most people in China can speak Chinese (obviously) the Chinese use finger signs to communicate numbers in trading, buying and gambling. Want to buy six apples? Don’t say six, use your fingers! One, two and three are as you would expect. Six is made by pointing the little finger and thumb outwards like a devil's horns, and ten by making a cross with your two index fingers. I’ve yet to master 8 and 9 so can only buy things in multiples of six…
- Kisses: having just finished a week teaching at a motivational behaviour camp for high school student on the last day the students asked me to sign their t-shirts as a momento. Naturally as Brit, I put three kisses after my name. One student asked me why - I explained. She then told me that in China, what I thought were three kisses were actually considered as an "XXX" (not the Castlemaine xxx, but the other kind). Oops.
- The Haier Brothers: are the collective mascot for the Haier electric appliances and white goods company - one of China's largest manufacturers. An untrained western eye might think they were an interracial gay couple from LA, rather than brothers. But you’d be wrong, of course. Haier is supposedly said to have insisted their branding was kept when exporting products abroad. Sufficed to say, they didn't sell as many units in the West as they thought they would.
- Meat sweets: sweets isn't my friend. I actually did write "meat". Beef, eel, pigs brain. Mmmmmmm. Children actually eat them too. They come in little wrappers and taste like...meat sweets. Not for me I think – I like my meat with vegetables and gravy, thank you very much.
- Animal sounds in China: did you know that animals make different sounds in China than they do in the West? I didn't. The sounds for animal sounds in China are different. Where a western dog might "woof”, a Chinese dog would "fei fei". A western sheep and horse would "baa" and "neigh" respectively."; whereas at Chinese sheep and horse would "mie mie" and "hui hui". A duck doesn’t “quack”, it “ga gas” and a bee “weng wengs”. I've wondered if this is the same for all things - whether a washing machine "chings" rather than "whirrs". God knows how you'd translate "the wheels on the bus" song.
- Swearing in China: don't ever do it. Never. Ever! Chinese swear words, whilst quite similar to English ones, are considered mug more offensive. Most will get you into an argument or a fight. More on this in a later post.
- Lady Gaga: is bigger than God in China. Quite a bold statement, I know. Buy get this. Some of the young hipsters, instead of saying "oh my god" to express exasperation or surprise, say "oh my Lady Gaga" (我的夫人Gaga) instead. Shame she won't be allowed to perform in the country in the foreseeable future. Thank you censors.
- Forgetting British English: whatever we Brits may like to think, and even though we invented the language, the Chinese find it easier to understand American English, and the accent, than British English. So it pains me when I have to say "sidewalk" in an American accent to explain pavement. Or when I say "for example" in a kind of Texan drawl to be better understood (think "forrrrr eggs ampelle" or "an derrrrrr staand". Chaucer would hit me.
- Clothes clones: it's not an infrequent occurrence to see mother and son or daughter wearing the same clothes. See picture. What I can't begin to fathom is boyfriend and girlfriend wearing the same clothes. Many a couple spied wearing matching t-shirts, jeans, shoes, hats and sunnies, all in one outfit. They are the clothes clones. I suppose the equivalent in the UK would be a guy wearing a yellow or orange Primark dress with a fake tan and the girl wearing a black low cut Topman t-shirt.
- Speaking of Topman: Generation Y's favorite clothing chain is coming to Beijing. Yay. (I still consider myself generation Y - lost.)
- Brevity: the Chinese do not understand the value of brevity on public signs. Perfect illustrations below.
